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Hale, who lives in Washington and works for the faith-based advocacy group Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good, says he is looking for a partner who challenges him. Their relationship is about three things: Catholics in the dating world might do well to consider another teaching of Pope Francis: Barcaro says many members of online dating sites too quickly filter out potential matches—or reach out to potential matches—based on superficial qualities.

When Mike Owens met his now girlfriend of one year, he was actively avoiding a dating life. The year-old government consultant met his girlfriend at a happy hour sponsored by his parish in Washington. The two chatted and then continued to gravitate toward one another at group events. Out of that conversation we were able to really accept each other where we were. Owens says dating someone after returning to the faith has definitely been a different experience. Michael Beard, 27, has worked to do just that during his past three years in South Bend, Indiana at the University of Notre Dame, where he recently earned his master of divinity degree.

He has seen these couples work to balance their responsibilities in higher education with those of being a good spouse and parent.

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Given his commitment to his studies and his temporary residence in Indiana, Beard felt the timing was not right to enter into a serious relationship. He enjoys lively discussions with people whose opinions differ from his own, but he is not interested in being in a relationship where one person tries to convince the other to change. That shared framework can be helpful among friends as well.


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Lance Johnson, 32, lives in an intentional Catholic community in San Francisco with four other men, who range in age from 26 to Johnson appreciates the perspectives within his community on topics related to relationships, as well as the support for living chaste lives.

He knows his mother hopes for grandkids, but he says in a young, largely secular city like San Francisco there is little pressure to get married. Johnson has found that many young adults yearn for more clear-cut dating roles. I wish it was more a culture of understanding that we just want to talk and get to know each other.


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  • Katy Thomas, for one, agrees. She and Johnson have been dating for several months, though they were friends before they went on their first date. In Catholic circles we have a chance to set up a different kind of etiquette.

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    How do you make intentions clear without freaking each other out? The year-old San Francisco native and book editor spent a couple of years discerning religious life, which left her little time for dating. The practical challenges of raising a family also weighed on her mind as she discerned a future with potential partners. While many young adults struggle to define and redefine dating, Anna Basquez, 39, is making a living at it, at least in part. The freelance writer from Colorado is the founder of Denver Catholic Speed Dating, a business that grew from an after-Mass dinner club.

    At her first event the crowds were such that a friend suggested they abandon the speed dating format entirely in favor of a more casual mixer. But Basquez persisted, and the name tags were distributed and the tables were arranged and Thai food was carried from one table to another, and in the end it was all worth it, she says. She now hosts the events every four to six months. Basquez estimates more than 1, people have participated, and several marriages have come from the process.

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    It's complicated: A Catholic guide to online dating

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